Ancient Secrets of Emotional Intelligence
From the message “Ancient Secrets of Emotional Intelligence” by Philip McCallum (Lead Pastor) on February 4th, 2024.
Have you ever heard that “modern problems require modern solutions?” I’m all for thinking forward, but sometimes, the pursuit of that which is new makes us overlook that which is true.
Take, for example, the recent emphasis on emotional intelligence. It’s a fascinating topic of study that was only coined and popularized in the 1990s. But if you look back to the earliest book ever written (the book of Job), there are profound lessons on emotional intelligence, resilience, and the transformative power of grief.
What can this ancient book teach us about emotional intelligence today?
Grieving Into The Best Season of Your Life
Most of us want to push down tears while Job shows us how to process our tears.
The biblical narrative opens with a testimony to Job's exceptional character — a man of unwavering integrity who feared God and shunned evil. Little did he know that doing all that good would end up putting him in the crosshairs of accusation.
His life took an unexpected turn when he became the subject of a divine challenge between God and Satan. God celebrated Job’s character but Satan accused him of being spoiled. So God allowed Job to be stripped of all of his possessions and his health to prove his character once and for all.
Who Is Really On Trial?
At first glance, it looks like Job is on trial by God. This is certainly the way that he and his friends took this series of tragedies. But when you dig deeper and see it from a different angle, you realize that actually, God is putting himself on trial through Job.
Satan accused God more than he accused Job. Long before this, when Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, God chose mercy instead of judgment. He clothed their nakedness and waited for them to repent rather than punishing them immediately and permanently.
The book of Job asks: will God’s plan work? Will people love God for love alone? For who He is, not what He gives?
God is putting it all on the line with Job.
The Transformative Power Of A Good Cry
Job’s response not only vindicated God and himself, it shows us how to deal with our own grief. It all starts with getting honest with your pain and having a good cry.
What are tears? Tears come when our human efforts won't change who we are, who God is, or other people. Tears mean that instead of changing circumstances, God is changing us.
Tears invite God into the change
1 — A Good Cry Will Right-Size You
Grief shrinks us back to normal size. It reveals the truth that we are not in control now and never were in the first place. We are powerless to stop death, divorce, debt, addiction, or opposition. This realization turns our thoughts to a higher power that might be able to stop these things.
That’s right where Job was. His soul was in distress, and he didn’t get any help from his wife or his friends. So what did he do? He cried out to God for answers and relief. He got very honest with his emotions and didn’t hold back.
"I cry out to you, God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me. You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand, you attack me."
After Job got it all out, the Lord finally answered him, but it wasn’t what Job expected, and it wasn’t an answer at all. Instead, God posed a series of questions to challenge Job's understanding of the divine order.
"Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me."
— Job 38:3
The Hebrew word for “man” used here is GEBER, which means “hero” or “mighty man.” In his suffering, Job got a new view of himself: a hero. In his weakness, he was strong. In his questioning, he was wise.
Job got something better than answers he got a better understanding of God. It creates a profound shift inside Job so that rather than cursing his fate, he humbles himself and acknowledges the limitations of his understanding.
Then Job replied to the Lord: 'I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you."
Often, our questions of “why” are the little tyrant to self complaining that he or she is no longer in control. If you allow it to, grief will change you. It will remove you from the throne and put God back on it.
2 — A Good Cry Will Upgrade Your View of God
Job's suffering also prompts a profound introspection about his relationship with God. He had lived a righteous life, and yet he was still suffering. Shouldn’t God reward and protect the righteous?
His problem was that his picture of God was too small. Before he could move forward, his view of God had to grow.
We all draw cartoons of God in our minds; they work until a problem becomes bigger than the image.
Throughout Job’s laments, his picture of God gets clearer and clearer. At first, he speaks of God as distant and unknowable. Then, he speaks of God as a source of hope. Finally, he gets a picture so clear that it’s like he’s seeing Jesus.
”I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes – I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!”
Job's initial perceptions of God are challenged and refined as he processes his grief. In the end, he becomes confident that God sees him and that Job will come out of this like refined gold.
Could it be that you are stuck in grief because your picture of God is too small? Allow your grief to grow your perception of God and you’ll come out with the same verdict as Job.
3 — A Good Cry Will Make Your Friends Better
Job's friends, though well-intentioned, only added to his suffering through their misguided attempts to explain his predicament. Their speeches only intensified Job's feelings of isolation and frustration.
Here’s the basic argument each friend made:
Elipaz: There’s sin in your life.
Bildad: There’s sin in your children’s lives.
Zophar: Go to church, go through the motions and all will come right.
Elihu: You are in rebellion, God’s angry, and that’s the way it is.
Here’s what Job thought about their explanations:
I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters, all of you!"
— Job 16:2
What did God think about Job’s friends? He was angry and rebuked them for their inaccurate portrayal of him while upholding Job in their eyes.
After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has.”
In a remarkable turn, Job's friends were the ones who were restored through his prayers. The act of interceding for them became a catalyst for transformation, emphasizing the potential to make friends better through the crucible of shared grief.
You have one of two choices in grief: you can either make better friends or make your friends better. But one thing you cannot do is let things remain the way they are. Grief is permission to revamp your relational life.
How Is God Using Grief To Save You?
The ancient account of Job’s life shows us that grief is not proof God is absent but a call to heaven for help. It reveals the power of vulnerability, the dynamic nature of faith, and the potential to upgrade your understanding of God.
There’s a story about a man who was washed up from a shipwreck on a deserted island. He was the only survivor on the ship and was just able to salvage some life-saving cargo from the wreckage. He built a hut, stored his provisions in it, and survived by foraging every day. One day, while he was out foraging, he looked back in horror to see billows of smoke coming from his camp. He ran back to discover that the fire had consumed everything and was a total loss. He lay in the sand that night, cold, alone, and hopeless. When dawn came, he saw a ship in the distance that came closer and finally landed on the shore. When the rescuers came, he asked them, “How did you know I was here?” They replied, “We saw your smoke signal.”
When your life feels like it’s burning down — that's a signal to bring rescue.
If you’re in a season of grief, give yourself permission to have a good cry. Unprocessed grief will not help you, it will only hurt you. Processing your grief in the presence of God will lead you to a better season of life.
Have a good grief.
